when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
