Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Semen is not good for contacts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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