Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
