I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize