yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
