Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
