There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The air was thick with penises
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
