just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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