Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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