I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
