She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
