Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
