all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
