I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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