i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
