they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
