too bad you live with your parents still
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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