Me too!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
