i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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