A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
