never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
