They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i have two assholes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My ATM looks so different sober.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
