OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
