I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
