btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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