Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
