i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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