Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize