Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
