margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
