It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
