Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
