my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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