is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
