I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
