i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This house was built for laser tag.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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