: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he thought i was a dude.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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