I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
