It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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