Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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