your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
