and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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