I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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