Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
