I didn't shave. On purpose
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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