My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They took my balls.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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