I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
