did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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