is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
