he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
