I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
