were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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