Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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