he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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