Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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