Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
