A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
