Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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