Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
