you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
