i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
