I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
