There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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