you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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