when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
