Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
