WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize