My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
only if we run a train.
done.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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