bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Farmville is her only friend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
