she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am midnight drunk by noon
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
