I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
