I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
