but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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