If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
