Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize