kristin has been a bad kristin
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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