I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think my moral compass just broke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
