Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
