He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
