So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
