Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
