omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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