Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm both gender and math confused
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
