Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
