Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
