i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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