Swine flu is the new snow day.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
