Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are we still banned from the library?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
