Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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