Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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