There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
