i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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