I didn't shave. On purpose
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
